MOVING to ARIZONA

May 30th  Now this is a state that knows how to live!!  Beautiful sunny > days and warm balmy  evenings.  Mountains and deserts blended together.  > What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was > beautiful.  I've finally found my home.  I love it here.

June 14th  Really heating up.  Got to 100 today.  Not a problem.  Live in > an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.  What a pleasure to > see the sun every day like this.  I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th  Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of > cactus and rocks.  What a breeze to maintain.  No more mowing for me.  > Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th  The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week.  How do people > get used to this kind of heat?  At least it's a dry heat.  Getting used to > it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th  Fell asleep by the pool.  (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my > body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do.  I learned my > lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th  I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left > this morning.  By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had > swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth > of leather upholstery.  I told the kids she ran away.  The car now smells > like >  Kibbles and shit.  No more pets in this heat!

July 25th  Dry heat, my butt.  Hot is hot!!  The home air-conditioner is > on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he > needed to order parts.

July 30th  Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.  > $1,100 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside.  Why did I ever > come here?

Aug 4th  115 degrees.  Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.  It > cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90.  Stupid repairman peed > in my pool.  I hate this state.

Aug 8th  If another wise acre cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm > going to tear his   throat out.  Damn heat.  By the time I get to work the > radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like > roasted Garfield!!

Aug 10th  The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and > Sunny. It's been too hot to make love for two damn months and the > weatherman says it might really warm up next week.  Doesn't it ever rain in > this barren damn desert??  Water rationing has been in effect all summer, > so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool.  Even a > cactus can't live > in this heat!!

Aug 14th   Welcome to Hell!!!  Temperature got to 123 today.  Forgot to > crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer > came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"  My wife had to spend > the $1,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th  Worst day of the damn summer.  I'm not leaving the house.  The > monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than > hell.  The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with it's new $500 > windshield.  

That does it, we're moving to New York for some peace and quiet! >